i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just high enough for therapy.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
