you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
