Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
