you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
