Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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