It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
