hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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