You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
where are you?
Hypothermia
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
