I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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