We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
