I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
