Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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