i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I've blown a few things in my day
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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