Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
