why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
