somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
