He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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