You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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