puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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