i don't like sucking hair
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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