Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
