this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
