I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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