A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
