so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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