I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
