yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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