I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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