He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
