Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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