the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
