My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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