I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
