His pubic hair was longer than his dick
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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