The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
