Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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