trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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