I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
