my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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