Your face is a jimmy john
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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