Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
