so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
