Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She just used a chaser for red wine.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
