Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
