Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
