oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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