just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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