I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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