There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
