I just cut my nipple shaving
Welp...herpes.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
