What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So here I am, sexting at work.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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