He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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