So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
