the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
